Lightly oil the gasket and tighten the filter by hand until it seats. You should be able to feel, or even see it, once it is there. Turn it 1/4 turn more. You do not need it any tighter than that. A filter wrench should be able to remove it with very little effort. That has always worked for me.

And make sure the old gasket is not stuck to the adapter (or block, depending on the vehicle) before installing the new filter.

 

^This, or if you want to be really technical use a torque wrench to torque it to factory spec (which usually ends up being 1/4-1/2 turn past hand tight so either method works). Do not over-tighten it the seal will expand and adhere to the filter and adaptor once exposed to the heat of the engine, leading to it being very difficult to remove as the OP found out the hard way.