Have narrowed the power draw to the alarm relay under the dash but if you disconnect you have to low bean lights. What are my options? could be a relay or in the headlight switch it's self

 

What year and model is this? Do you still have an owners manual or can you look up one on-line? Does your Jeep have the headlight OFF delay feature because, from your description, this sounds more like the relay for delayed OFF headlights is defective.