This may be a dumb thing but it just wired my lights to a switch no relay and they work fine. I have the switch mounted above the e-brake handle with just the 12v going to the switch then the lights and the lights are grounded separately.

yeah i tried that first... but the 20 amp fuse blew then i wired it all up and tried to put a replacement fuse back in and it was like a freakin welder arc blast from the fuse holder... so i did some research and relized that relays are necessary just a pain to wire correctly... as i still havent got them workin

The connector in the middle is not used. Only outside connectors are used. Maybe that's why your lights don't work.

the middle one is just another "accessory" connector .... any information on a 4 post switch... or any incite at all?