I can't get my oil pan out for the life of me, I had a buddy say put a jack under the trans. and lift up on it a bit..what are the chances of this messing up my tranny? how much play do you think i could have? i tried taking my stabilizer off but its not budging!! please help I'm desperately needing to change this seal.

 

You have the XJ lifted so the front suspension is hanging? Might try unbolting the lower shock bolts and the upper control arms to let the suspension droop a bit more.
Once you get it free you may have to raise the axle a bit again to wiggle the pan out.

 

You need to take out the starter (if you already haven't) then you can jack up the body a bit in the front so that the suspension droops a little. That gives you a little more room to move the pan forward to get it around the exhaust.